things are falling into place.

11 Jun

i had another blood draw and ultrasound this morning. u/s went well- the last u/s i had was last thursday, and my lining was 1.6mm thick. they had me go ahead and have a “bleed” (what they refer to as a period. like, can’t we just call it a period?) (also? TMI? yes. but i told you this would happen. you were warned.) i stopped bleeding two days ago, which started me from scratch, and today my lining was already up to 4.6mm. i did that in two days. i also had the “triple stripe” in my lining, it’s just basically that you can see the layers, and it’s a good thing. from what i understand that means that the lining is showing maturity… whatever that means, well, your guess is as good as mine, but my lining is mature, damnit. and awesome.

and i ‘spose Eggs is doing really well too, because she was supposed to have the egg retrieval on the 15th… and they are doing it TOMORROW. so, YAY FOR EGGS. and then Sunday the embryologist will contact me with the fertilization report, which just tells us how many of the eggs she produced were fertilized and growing happily. then on day three, Monday, they will do the PGD (preimplantation  genetic diagnosis- this makes sure the embryos they are putting in don’t have any major genetic defects. Eggs being older raises those chances.) and make sure everything looks good, and that we have some male embryos to work with (Eggs and Flour have three daughters… they are ready for a boy this time:)), and then the 16th, it’s game time. time-to-get-knocked-up-time. i can’t believe it’ pretty much here already.

so. i have more meds to take now. hubs has been shooting me up with .1cc of delestrogen in the hiney every three days. now it will be .3cc. and tomorrow i start the progesterone, uhm, vaginal inserts. joy to the world. i have heard they are beyond messy. sounds like fun right? and then i have to take progesterone lozenges (really? it’s not a cough drop.) under my tongue three times a day. and they sent me grape flavor. I HATE GRAPE FLAVOR. like, loathe. but i’ll deal. i just might barf a little in my mouth.

AND THEN. well. and then i hope i got knocked up on our first try, and i will start poas (peeing on a stick, for those of you not hip with the lingo) about 5 days after transfer. so the 21st. although i bet i break down and pee once on the 20th. i mean, i NEED to know right. and i can already tell i should go to poas-anonymous… i have TWENTY SIX pee sticks in my bathroom drawer. i shouldn’t have admitted that to you, but i did. (insert shameful face here.)


for katherine.

10 Jun

OH HAI KATHERINE! i told  you i’d answer your questions! i’m late as all get out, but as promised, here you are…

1. Did you know the couple you’re doing this for beforehand?

no, i did not. i actually was matched with a “traditional” couple last October. i had some gut feelings that told me to run… that told me that these people were not being upfront and honest with me, and I decided to break off our match before we signed contracts. i knew in my heart that they were not the couple i was meant to carry for, and that i would likely be worse for the wear if i did.

then in february, i met a wonderful single gay dad, who already had a child through surrogacy, a daughter. he wanted a sibling for her, and his old surro had decided to try for one of her own. we were all set to meet, and four days before he flew out to meet me, she changed her mind. i understood, of course, why he went back with her, but it hurt just a bit.

and now i am matched with… let’s call them, Eggs and Flour. (you know, Eggs being the mom. DUH. and you need eggs and flour to BAKE, so, it all makes sense, right? i’m so damn clever. NOT.) anyways. Eggs and Flour are a wonderful couple. Eggs and Flour are like, AMAZINGLY SMART FOLKS, folks. and Eggs is beyond sweet. Eggs doesn’t want a BFF-type relationship with her surro, and i’m cool with that. doesn’t mean she’s not sweet, she just knows what she wants.  they plan on sending me photo updates now and then, and Christmas cards, and i am welcome to email her afterwards. but no BFF business. they want a baby, i want to be pregnant and give someone a baby, and that’s what we’re here for. it would be nice if things were a bit different in the relationship department, but i’m ok with how it is.

2. Was there something specific in your life that made you want to be a surrogate?

not any one eye opening event, no. i’ve always been kind of excited about the idea of pregnancy. my sil struggled with IF for a while, and i knew i would carry for her if she ever asked or needed it. and then when i was pg with my daughter, well, i was good at it. i started looking into surrogacy about a year after she was born, and after a lot of research and soul searching, i knew it was something i wanted to do. i truly think i was meant to.

3. How did you bring it up to your husband? How did he react initially?

i remember initially joking with my husband, like, “hey! you know how i want to be pregnant? but how S is a whole lot of work? well… i could always, you know, be a surrogate.” and he was just all nonchalant, like, “yeah, i guess you could.” i totally thought he was ignoring me, but when he said that, i thought about it for a few days, and brought it up seriously again. as long as it wasn’t my egg, he was cool. he has always been 100% supportive of me, and i don’t know why i expected some other reaction, but that was that. it was simple. he was behind me for day 1. which is cool. my husband’s kind of the shit, y’all.

one down.

5 Jun

first, let me show you my box of goodies that came in the mail.
box o' goodies
apparently you don’t get knocked up with someone else’s kid by accident. lol. and below is my morning cocktail.
my morning cocktail
my husband gave me my first delestrogen injection this morning! i also started the prenatal vitamins, baby aspirin, folate, and dha. the injection wasn’t too bad… except i had a momentary freak out at my husband. i’ll let you in on the conversation-

me: “no, that’s not where it goes!”

him: “shush. this is a big alcohol pad. just because i started wiping there doesn’t mean that’s where i’m going to stick you.”

me: “where then?”

him: “here.” (points to a spot that’s WAY TOO HIGH.)

me: “uh, no. the nurse said where the outer upper pocket of my jeans would be. so, right here.” (points to the correct spot on my hiney.)

him: “that’s not what the diagram shows.”

me: “f*ck the diagram. i’m listening to the nurse. and it’s my ass, so you’ll poke me where i tell you. which is HERE.” (points again.)

him: “there’s a bruise right there.”

me: “well, then right beside the bruise. just do it.”

he starts to do it… when i realize he’s not spreading my skin out like the instructions say. i turn over, and he’s poised to stab. it was kind of funny, because he was just staring at this spot on my hiney.

me: “are  you gonna make my skin tight? did you even read the directions?!”

him: “no. i was going on what you told me.”

me: (massive eyeroll) “ok.” (reads instructions about how to spread skin out.)


me: “that was it?”

him: “yep. you’re a big weenie. i told you i’d do it right.”

(yeah. he did it right. after i told him where to do it. and to stretch the skin. this is why men always have extra parts when they put stuff together… THEY DON’T READ INSTRUCTIONS.)

so. all in all, wasn’t bad. next time i won’t be so worried about him screwing up and it’ll probably take all of four seconds.

(and katherine? if you’re reading, i want you to know i’m not ignoring your questions. i will make a post answering those in the next few days. 🙂 )

two days later.

3 Jun

my whole schedule, that is. i will get a big box full of delestrogen and needles and syringes tomorrow. the husband is pretty stoked about getting to stab me in the arse with a needle every three days… and i’m kind of scared out of my mind since the only training he gets is a diagram and a couple of tips from the doctor.

someone hold me. first injection is sunday.

(oh and. first ultrasound- lining was 1.6mm, but they are going to have me go ahead and have a bleed. 7 follicles, but we aren’t worried about that at all. found out my OB is totally absent minded when it comes to the weenie wand, because he finished typing the results while he held that stupid thing in there… i was like, “so are we done? can you get that thing out of me yet?” neat.)

change of plans. and a schedule.

1 Jun

so, totally stoked… my cycle will be lupron free dudes. this means much less needles. and less weight gain. and less overall bitchiness.

why? because we’re on time constraints, as my intended parents leave the country for a month at the end of june. and because there is actually a shortage of lupron at this time.

so it looks like this-
june 1- ultrasound to check lining and blood work
june 3- start estrogen
june 8- ultrasound to check lining and blood work
june 14- IN LOS ANGELES. ultrasound at RE (reproductive endocrinologist, aka, the man in charge, Dr. Nelson) for lining check and blood work. adjust meds if needed
june 15- egg retrieval from intended mother.
june 18- EMBRYO TRANSFER TIME. then bedrest for the next two days, weeeee.

we plan on taking sienna with us. yes, it will suck the two days i am on bedrest, but really, that’s brendan’s problem, and not mine… we will likely be gone for a full week, and HA, if you think i’m staying away from all that cuteness for that long. funny. not happening. (and also, my daytime sitter will be out of town, and i don’t know how to swing it with someone staying nights with her and a strange sitter. poor girl would have a nervous breakdown.)

so, prepare yourself, LA. i’m coming to get knocked up. don’t disappoint me. it’s time to bake a baby. or two. but no more than that, thank you.

science! injections! blood draws!

26 May

so, you can’t just get pregnant with someone else’s baby normally. they don’t just stir eggs and sperm in a dish and then shove it up into your uterus and hope it all sticks. it’s a very finely tuned, complicated process. i’ll start from the beginning, in order.

we get personal here… lady bits discussed. fair warning.

1- birth control pills (or in my case, Nuvaring… because i’m REALLY forgetful.) this is so they can sync your cycle up with the egg donor’s cycle (in my case we are trying with my intended mother’s eggs first. she’s over 40, so they probably won’t be the best quality, but we’ll give it a shot before we move to egg donor.)

2- lupron. this is an injection that uses a diabetic syringe, one of the little ones, that goes into your belly fat. at the dose i’ll be taking (it can be used differently) it will stop my body’s natural hormone production. in effect, it puts you into a kind of menopause. my ovaries will shut down so that they don’t release one of my eggs, so i won’t get pregnant with a child of my own. they also do this so that they can TOTALLY control your cycle.

3- estrogen. because they have shut down my body’s hormone production, they will have me take estrogen to build the lining of my uterus back up to a level that is nice and cuddly for an embryo to snuggle into. this comes in shot form and in patch form… i am pretty sure i will be taking shots. i think they are intramuscular, which means in my rear end. (my husband is looking forward to stabbing me with a needle, i think. i can handle jabbing my fat, but i don’t want to stab myself in the hiney. [also? you pervs.])

4- progesterone! this i will start around the time of the egg retrieval. because i am still not making any hormones, i have to have this in order for my body to support a pregnancy. it comes in injection form, which is in OIL PEOPLE, which makes huge knots in your butt muscle and hurts like hell (i’ve heard), and it comes in the lovely vaginal suppository form. (I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD GET PERSONAL.) i begged for the suppository form, because i’m freaking afraid of the OIL injections. i’ve seen pictures and heard horror stories… and the doctor was nice enough to agree. so i’ll be doing that… until like, 12 weeks of pregnancy.

during this time i will be having weekly-ish blood work to check hormone levels, and vaginal (YAY!) ultrasounds to measure the lining of my uterus and make sure my ovaries are nice and asleep. anyone who’s had one knows just how awesome (sarcasm here) the weenie-cam is. but in the end, a baby is totally worth it.

and then, if everything works like it should, i should be knocked up before too long. i think i’m getting my calendar tomorrow, so i should have the actual date of the embryo transfer soon!

and that’s how you get ready to get pregnant with someone else’s baby.

letting the cat out of the bag

26 May

i’m going to be a gestational surrogate.

it was so hard to tell my family and coworkers and friends. not because i am ashamed of what i am doing, but because i was afraid of the judgements they would pass. a common misconception is that surrogates do it for the money. and here’s a secret… that’s not it. because, if you figure it all out, i’ll only be making about $3.42 per hour throughout the pregnancy. for all the morning sickness, extra peeing, the hugeness, the uncomfortable waddling, and the lack of booze… trust me, i’m not doing it for the money. i’m doing it because i’d want someone to do it for me, i’m young and healthy, and i’m at a place in my life where i want to help someone else out for a change.

for my friends and family- this blog is going to be blunt. if you don’t want to read about my uterus (and all that goes with that) and my feelings, then… maybe this isn’t for you. i want to use this blog as a way to educate people about what i am doing, a place for someone to ask any questions, tell you how i am feeling, how the pregnancy is going, and maaaaybeeee, i might complain about how fat i am in 7 months.

so. if you have questions, leave a comment, and i’ll answer.

next up- the science behind this all. i haven’t gotten my calendar yet (they give you a big calendar that tells you what meds to take and how much), but i THINK i am getting it tomorrow. which means i will be starting shots next week.

that’s right. i’ll be giving myself shots. in my belly fat. sounds like fun, right? (i promise photos… just not of my belly fat.)